I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
