i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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