I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
