The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
