i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
