this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
