Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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