so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
