So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
