id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
