You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
