We won't sleep together?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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