never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
