hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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