you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
