You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
