YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
