I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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