the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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