Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
