you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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