We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
