Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
