The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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