Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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