She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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