That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
