I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
