I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
