I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
