watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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