She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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