Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
