My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
