belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
