that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
