We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
