just come out here and I will go home with you...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
