Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize