I could make wine with my vomit
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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