I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
