I faked an abortion last night.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
