heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
