I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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