you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
