Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
