I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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