I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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