if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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