I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
